✞ OVERHEARD IN THE PEWS

Anonymised, affectionate, and entirely true

Every church has a parallel conversation running alongside the official one. It happens on the porch before the service, in whispered exchanges during the sermon, in the car park afterwards.

Here is a selection from RTMC.

“The Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silence before Him.”
Shown from the hymnal to a chatting youth in the pew behind. No further words necessary.
— Kamala Rachel

“Please put on your seat belts before we begin, for a safe ride!”
Said by Pastor Vivek Gundimi before a sermon. After the service, one congregant came to the door and said:
“Pastor, you never told us to take off our seat belts.”
— Rev. Dr. Vivek Gundimi

“Our children make us outstanding Christians!”
Said to a parent standing outside holding their crying baby during the service.
— Ravi David

“Once you become part of this family, you never really leave.”
Overheard after a service. Simple at the time. Understood more fully with every passing year.
— Lipsita Sahu

“Let’s not rush home — let’s have one more cup of tea and keep talking!”
Overheard at the post-service tea. A theological position as much as a social one.
— Shilpa Das

“Mamma, take Jija Book.”
Said by Steve, aged two or three, picking up the Bible from the pew. “Jija” was his word for Jesus. The Bible was the Jesus Book. He had the right idea.
— Saraswathi Priyadarshini

“The wind has played havoc with my hair!”
Said by Mr. Eric Staggs, standing under the big tree in the compound, setting his hair with a comb before the service. Mr. Staggs was a fine tenor. He had a wisp of hair on one side of his head. The wind had limited material to work with.
— Usha Sundaresan

Dispatches from a Regular Pew

Ajai Roy

“The new pastor is known for his rather lengthy sermons, which I quite enjoy — it’s just that the elbow jabbing into my ribs is a rude awakening.”

“By the end of every praise and worship session, I wonder whether I have attended church or completed a fitness circuit. Sit. Stand. Raise your hands. Sit. Stand. I hope heaven is keeping a score of all this as my spiritual cardio.”

Three Observations

Anonymous

“The front pews are fodder for the cannons. The veterans have reserved seats at the back.”

“At the after-service coffee, a member asked if the proclaimed nightingale of the church — who had rendered a beautiful song in Kannada that morning — also composed. Quickly came the reply from another member who still struggles with the language: ‘Indeed she composes, but I’ll decompose.’”